I Don’t Repeat Myself For Idiots

I was a sophomore in high school, working after school and weekend in the biggest restaurant in our little town.

I had few friends and even fewer dollars, so I didn’t mind trading the unknown, unnamed after school memories I would not be making – for the $1 an hour minimum wage.  I worked the job for about a year – after six months, I got a 15-cent raise.

I washed the dishes, cashed my paychecks, and watched the parade of short-timer kitchen characters pass by, one after another until Dave walked through the door.

Dave was a high school senior.  I had job seniority, but he was two years older than me, had a car and a driver’s license.  He took me for a ride in his green, ‘58 Chevy after work one day.  It was a nice one, but only had a six-cylinder engine.  He was working and saving enough money to drop a V-8 in that car and show them a thing or two!

Dave was fun and made those dirty dish days pass a little easier.

My job was scraping food from dishes into an industrial rated garbage disposal that could make car parts disappear – loading them into racks, and vigorously assaulting them with an almost lethal, ceiling-mounted high-pressure washer spray nozzle, before dispatching them to the bowels of the automatic dish-washing machine. 

Dave manned the big stainless-steel double sinks – hand washing all pots, pans, and other large cooking utensils.  I thought his job was a little less frantic than mine.  No one ever stood next to him with arms crossed – waiting for a cleaned something they were running out of.

“Hey Dave!”  I shouted.  “What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?”

“Uhhhh….  What?” He so easily took the bait.

“SO – YOU’RE THE ONE!”  I laughed out loud.  He laughed to, a little.

“Hey, Scott!” he fired back, “Do you know why your parents painted your garbage can brown and orange?”

“Brown and orange?” I questioned.

“So you and your siblings would always think you were eating at the A&W! Haw!” he got me back, almost. 

Sparing like that made our working hours crawl by a little faster.

I was robotically going through my washing routine while pondering how quickly food becomes garbage, when Dave looked my way and mumbled a practically inaudible and apparently irrelevant comment. 

I turned from my stacked display of stinking dinnerware and asked, “What did you say?”

He’d developed a rather sour mood during our hectic dinner hour.  “I don’t repeat myself for idiots,” was his reply.

I asked again, “What?”

He announced almost proudly, “I–Don’t–Repeat–My–Self–For–Idiots!”

I tried to sound only half-interested when I asked again, “Huh?”

Very loudly and purposefully he began to repeat,

I  –  DON’T  –  REPEAT  –  MYSELF ………

  In mid-sentence, he suddenly slammed the big pan he was washing into the dishwater splashing a perfect six-foot radius before he looked to the ceiling and let out a great moan, UUUUGGGHH!!!

Because…..

He had just repeated himself three times for an idiot!